Slow Bar
533 SE Grand Avenue Portland, OR 97214
The website of Slow Bar states they are “Home of the Best Burger in Portland” so I made this burger top priority on my list. The sandwiches at Slow Bar come with choice of either french fries or salad. At the time of my visit, they were offering a Summer Slowburger” in addition to the mainstay,the Slowburger. I decided to try out the original. The menu description:
Slowburger: 1/2lb. Painted Hills natural beef, Gruyere, onion rings, butter lettuce, pickle relish – $9.50
I am always into onion rings on burgers, so it was a no-brainer. The wait was a bit longer than most other places, but not anything absurd. About 15 minutes later, my plate finally arrived.
Look at those fucking onion rings. Seriously. Look at them.
The onion rings were way, way too fucking big. I immediately took one of them off and pressed down on the bun to make it somewhat edible.
Burger Ratings:
Burger: 7
The idea of the burger is really good, but it just doesn’t come together as it should. The flavor of the relish was overpowering. The onion rings are absolutely ridiculous and are a complete waste. I had to take one off, and then had to push down on the bun to make it edible. They weren’t crunchy so they didn’t provide any sort of texture, and just made it more difficult to eat. I think the burger would have been much better without them as a distraction.
Side: 6
I didn’t try the fries since I opted for a few beers beforehand, but the salad was an OK substitute. Nothing amazing, but not bad either.
Environment: 3
The inside of Slow Bar is very dim. It was a nice day so I felt like sitting outside on one of the three picnic tables they have available. After about 5 minutes I realized it was a bad idea. Various bums were arguing nearby, garbage kept blowing past the table, and it just felt dirty and awkward.
Value: 5
It’s a good burger for the price, but I wouldn’t consider it a good value. I probably won’t be getting this burger again any time soon.
OVERALL BURGER REVIEW:
Slow Bar
533 SE Grand Avenue Portland, OR 97214
(503) 230.7767
Tags: portland, slow bar, too-fucking-big onion rings
Listed Under: 7 - Real Good