The Beach Bite is an American restaurant in Rockaway, Oregon – located right on the Oregon Coast. From the website: “Fine dining on the Oregon Coast. We specialize in pasta, steak & seafood, fresh salads & soups. Everything is made to order including Our gourmet 1/3 pound burgers.”
“Fine dining” is a bit of a joke, but whatever. I ordered the “gourmet 1/3 pound burger” with cheese.
Coleman’s 9N Shady Rest is a classic American restaurant located in Gales Creek, Oregon right alongside Wilson River Highway.
New Seasons Market is a Whole Foods-esque grocery store (think: the increasingly popular “local, sustainable, organic”/expensive tagline) with nine locations in the Portland metropolitan area. They have a fairly impressive deli, complete with an online ordering component of their website. It should be noted, however, that the one time I submitted an online order, my order was “lost” when I went in to pick it up, and had to wait the full amount of time anyway.
They offer traditional deli sandwiches as well as a hot wok, salad bar, a seasonal veggie-burger, and regular burgers. To order, you pick up an ordering pad of the type of food you’d like to order (Sandwich/Wok/Pasta/etc) and fill out the sheet. You select your choice of bread (Baguette, Ciabatta Roll, French Roll, Hamburger Bun, Hot Dog Bun, Rye, Sourdough, Whole Wheat, or White), cheese (Cheddar, Cream Cheese, Havarti, Provolone, Swiss), vegetables (not listing these), and condiments.
I ordered a burger on a hamburger bun, with cheddar cheese, tomato, lettuce, and pesto-mayonnaise. There are no french fries or similar side items here, but there is a salad bar and bags of chips near the checkout. After roughly 8 minutes, my order was called out. I paid for it, and then went over to the dining room to eat.
The burger:
Blueplate is an old-time lunch counter & soda fountain in SW Portland at 3rd and Morrison. It was featured on Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and Guy has even signed the wall near the door. They have a small menu, with a set group of items available every day and two additional daily specials to chose from. They also offer special hand-crafted sodas, milkshakes, ice cream, and other delicious sweets. They are only open for lunch, from 11am-5pm, and seating is very limited.
Since the space is so small, there isn’t even a traditional kitchen. Instead, there is a small counter where hot items are placed in warmers and cool items are in a tiny refrigerator. I sat right in front of the potato buns and Texas toast, and across from me was this:
Concordia Ale House is some sort of bar/pub/awful idea in NE Portland on Killingsworth. I’m not even sure if they brew their own beer or what. Anyway, they have a large menu with a broad selection of items to please everybody. There is a dedicated menu section for burgers, with the standard varieties of burger configurations to choose from (Bacon BBQ, Spicy Pepperjack, etc). The menu states “Our burgers are angus beef on kaiser buns. Served with lettuce, tomato and our House Sauce (Mayo, mustard & horseradish) your choice of Kettle Chips or fries.” You could also substitute the fries or chips for a small salad or soup for an additional $2.25, and/or substitute a Garden Burger for $1.00 or a Grilled Chicken Breast for $.50. I went with the following:
Classic Burger – Your basic juicy hamburger served with house sauce and all the fixin’s – .$8.00 Add pepper bacon – $1.25, Double it up – $2.25, Add cheese – $0.75
I ordered it with the house sauce on the side and the addition of cheddar cheese. I forgot to request my burger to be cooked medium, and I took that as a bad sign from the start. Excluding fast food places, this burger was served to me in the absolute fastest time possible. Which means it was brought out to me rare or it was pre-cooked and then just reheated. Of course, it was the latter.
Humdinger is a classic burger & milkshake type drive-in located in SW Portland on Barbur Blvd. The “deluxe” burgers here come with your choice of french fries, tater tots, chili, or cole saw as a side item, or you could get a non-deluxe burger for about a buck less. For being such a tiny place, with an even tinier space as a kitchen, they have a surprisingly large menu.
In fact, their kitchen is as wide as the menu board itself:
I’m not sure if My Father’s Place is considered more of a restaurant or a bar. Their menu is absolutely gigantic, giving you 4 huge pages of options, but the place is so dirty you wonder if they even give a shit about the quality of the food they serve.
The place is pretty filthy. I walked out of the building feeling like I had just worked a full shift as a fry cook. I didn’t realize the full extent of the filth until I walked in the back, past the kitchen (I really wish I didn’t peek in), into the bathrooms. I really wonder how this place passes a health inspection.
Anyway. Onto the burgers. They have several burgers to choose from, including a Mushroom & Swiss burger, a western-style BBQ sauce & onion ring burger, and a few others I can’t quite recall. The most expensive burger was $6.75 – for a burger with bacon, cheese, and sauteed mushrooms. I went with the standard cheeseburger with french fries.
Here’s the burger:
