Dream Burger

Pattie’s Home Plate Cafe – Fountain & Gifts

Have you ever eaten a burger at an establishment that is listed in the Yellow Pages under the categories of  Costumes and Cards & Stationery AND Restaurants?  If not, you should probably check out Pattie’s Home Plate Cafe in North Portland.  As soon as you walk in, you are in the diner portion of the place.  If you take about 10 steps forward, you are now in a thrift shop that solely sells items that stopped being manufactured 15+ years ago. The diner itself:

Note the woman checking out a pair of neon yellow elastic band jeans in the left-hand of the image.

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In-N-Out Burger

EVERYWHERE EXCEPT WHERE I LIVE

In-N-Out is a fast food chain with 248 locations in California, Arizona, Nevada, and Utah.  The company motto -  “Give customers the freshest, highest quality foods you can buy and provide them with friendly service in a sparkling clean environment.” seems to hold true. I visited several different locations, and the experience at each was the same and certainly met expectations.  It’s really no surprise why In-N-Out has been consistently rated as one of the top fast food restaurants in customer satisfaction surveys.  They’re also open from 10:30 am to 1:00 am or later, so it’s pretty sweet.

Though times have changed, little has changed at In-N-Out. The menu-burgers, fries and drinks-is still the same basic menu customers have enjoyed since 1948. Everything is still made fresh to order. There are no microwaves or freezers. Customers may observe french fries being made from hand-diced, fresh, whole potatoes. And the shakes are made from real ice cream.

The In-N-Out menu is very limited and has 3 burger options to choose from:  hamburger, cheeseburger, or “Double-Double”  – which, as you would guess, contains double meat & double cheese.  The only other items on the menu are french fries, milkshakes, and fountain drinks.  By default, the [100% pure beef, fresh to order] burgers come with [hand-leafed] lettuce, [plump, juicy] tomato, & spread on an [old-fashioned sponge dough] bun, and you are then asked if you would like onions [choice of either fresh or grilled] at the time of order.

The “secret menu” isn’t all that secret, but it’s a nice touch.  The secret items actually outnumber the few legitimate menu items, but I never had the desire to order something from it, so I missed out on that potential ~~exclusive burger VIP insider~~ feeling.

I ordered two cheeseburgers and a side of fries. There seemed to be a constant line, both indoor and drive-thru, at every location I visited at all times of day. I’m shocked at how quickly the staff can complete the orders. After an understandable wait-time, my order number was called out and I picked up my tray:

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MVP’s Grill & Patio

MVP’s Grill & Patio is a burger & sandwich shack on 4th street in Long Beach, CA.  This is my first introduction to the world of restaurants that reside on someone’s entirely-paved front yard, and I am very into it.  You place your order, take a number, and take a seat. They will bring your order out to you  whenever it’s ready and also refill your drinks, so it’s a weird hybrid of fast food/full-service kind of place.  It’s important to note that they are cash-only, but they have an ATM there as well.

The menu is insanely large given the space they have to cook food. Here’s a shot of the first half of their menu, (click to zoom):

The second half is devoted to sandwiches and other items that aren’t related to burgers, but it’s still worth mentioning because there are so many options.

Burgers:  All burgers made with 1/3 lb. patties and served on a sesame seed bun with lettuce, tomato, and cajunaise dressing. Raw or grilled onions are available by request.

I ordered the Combo #1, which is a cheeseburger, fries, and drink for $7.  The wait time is standard, but still very efficient as I visited during the lunch rush and didn’t have to wait too long.  Here is the tray they brought out to me:

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Garden State

4237 N Mississippi Street Portland, OR 97217

Garden State is a food cart located in NE Portland at Mississippi & Skidmore specializing in Italian street food. They also have another location in SE Portland at 13th & Lexington. Their menu:

Burger – Highland Oak beef, provolone piccante cheese, pickled red onion, chili aoli – $8

I ordered the burger, gave my name, and took a seat. The wait was rather long for a food cart, but it was near closing time (7pm) so it wasn’t a big deal. After a while, they called my name and I picked up my order.  The burger:

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Amnesia Brewing

832 North Beech Street Portland, OR 97227

Amnesia Brewing is a converted warehouse turned brewpub in NE Portland at Mississippi & Beech.  I accidentally came here during the Cirque Du Cycling bike race, and the place was absolutely packed.  I’m not sure if this is a normal thing or not – but in addition to a giant covered outdoor patio with as many picnic tables as you could possibly fit – there was also a separate area with even more picnic tables and a fenced-in Honey Bucket.

*****************Honey Bucket Content:  skip if uninterested*****************

I feel the need to include a photo of a Honey Bucket for those who have never encountered one. The name “Honey Bucket” is better than any brand, term, or nickname for such a thing that you could ever think of.  I like to think the people who are hired to clean and drain the Honey Buckets have a job title of “Honey Collector” and think of the contents within as “honey” and that makes me feel really important when I use it.  And really,  I am sure this Honey Bucket was only here for the bike race, but really… who knows?

UPDATE:  I was just informed the unofficial term for an outhouse cleaner is “Honey Dipper”

*****************</honey_bucket_content>*****************

The menu here consists of 4 items.  They have a burger, a veggie burger, sausage on a bun (with varying levels of spice), and something else that I don’t remember but doesn’t matter anyway.  The burger is $8 and comes with a side of potato chips.  They don’t really have a kitchen, just a giant outdoor grill out front on the patio:

After I placed my order inside, I took my number over to an open table and relaxed for a bit. The wait seemed like forever, but to be fair, I was starving at this point and nearly every available seat was taken.  After a while, the food was finally brought out:

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GetGo Kitchen

GetGo Kitchen is a development by GetGo gas stations, which are part of the larger family Giant Eagle food stores in the Ohio River Valley. It’s kind of like a Sheetz or Wawa in how you play with a touch screen until you eventually arrive to a decision you normally regret.

According to their website “GetGo is all about innovation and convenience.” I would probably also add “pissing off drunk people who just want a goddamn bagel sandwich at 3am because they’ve been waiting for, like, a fucking hour.”

This day, however, I was completely sober and leaving work when I thought I’d fill up my gas tank and grab a bite to eat. I bypassed my usual touch screen routine of making multiple “practice orders,” deleting everything, and starting all over again;  instead, my attention immediately was drawn to the bold ad on the front screen: “NEW BURGERS!”

I was delighted to find three types:  Fiery Jack Burger, Bacon Cheddar Burger, and Build Your Own. I can’t resist anything described as “fiery” so the choice was easy, especially after reading the description:

Fiery Jack Burger:  Jalapeno Peppers, Roasted Peppers, Onions, Hot Pepper Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato, Chipotle Mayonnaise

I opted for the additional “meal deal” which adds a drink and bag of chips for a small fee, and printed my receipt. I picked out a bag of Cheddar Ruffles and filled up my 22oz cup with Dr. Pepper. I went to the register to pay and found out the Cheddar Ruffles aren’t part of the chip deal and would cost me an extra 30 cents.  So I splurged a little.

Then, something occurred in GetGo that has never happened before to me: the cook called my number.  I didn’t have to wait, I didn’t have to mingle around the front desk, pretending to be playing on my phone or texting.  It was uncanny how fast it was.  It couldn’t have been more than 2 minutes. I really have no idea how they physically made my burger that fast, but I wasn’t about to question their methods (precooked, microwave?).  I sat down at the tables inside (this is an advantage of GetGo Kitchen over regular GetGos) and unwrapped my fiery feast.

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Built Burger

Built Burger is a Seattle-based company that creates artisinal burgers using fine ingredients.  From the website:

Imagine an all natural beef burger made from cows that roamed free in the Pacific Northwest with an infusion of chorizo from Peru combined with farm grown roasted red bell peppers, caramelized Walla Walla onions and a splash of Worcestershire sauce and sea salt from Isle St Louis in Paris.

Well, I do like imagining cows roaming free, so that’s already a positive. They currently have 13 types of burgers to select from, and you can also create a custom order if you’re not satisfied with those options. The burgers are sold in either a 6 oz. patty or a 2.5 oz slider size.

The Trailblazer Melt burger:

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