Dream Burger

Horse Brass Pub

The Horse Brass Pub is an authentic British restaurant & pub  in SE Portland at the intersection of Belmont and 45th. Their website claims “everything on the menu is made the old-fashioned way, using the freshest ingredients.” They offer a wide of assortment of British pub food and an insanely extensive,  frequently changing beer selection. The menu description for the burger:

BEEF BURGER – A 1/3 lb. charbroiled patty of fresh ground chuck.  Served on a toasted sesame bun with your choice of Swiss, Cheddar or American cheese.  Served w/ chips and pickle.

You could also substitute chips for your choice of  fries, coleslaw, potato salad or a tossed salad for an additional $1.99.  I ordered the “BEEF BURGER” as is with Cheddar cheese. The wait was standard, and left me plenty of time to observe the dust patterns formed on all the junk that is covering the walls.  The burger:

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Starky’s

Starky’s is a restaurant/bar located in SE Portland at Stark & 28th. I’ve passed by this place many, many times (and actually lived less than a block from it) but have never had the desire to check it out.

From the website:  Starky’s has been a part of Portland’s Gay Community since 1984. Purchased in September of 2004, Joe & Greg have continued to bring a quality eating establishment to the East side of Portland. They strive to bring a friendly comfortable atmosphere for all to enjoy. Come to Starky’s to meet old and new friends for dinner or just cocktails.

There is a bar to the left of the entrance with several HD TVs, and a larger dining room to the right.  Don’t get the impression that sports would be broadcasted on the bar TVs – instead of the Blazers playoff game, they were airing Celine Dion: Live in Concert.  They have a traditional “American” menu – with lots of options to choose from.  I went with the standard cheeseburger, with cheddar cheese,  and fries.  The burger:

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The Beach Bite – Restaurant & Lounge

The Beach Bite is an American restaurant in Rockaway, Oregon – located right on the Oregon Coast.  From the website:  “Fine dining on the Oregon Coast. We specialize in pasta, steak & seafood, fresh salads & soups. Everything is made to order including Our gourmet 1/3 pound burgers.”

“Fine dining” is a bit of a joke, but whatever.  I ordered the “gourmet 1/3 pound burger” with cheese.

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Coleman’s 9N Shady Rest

Coleman’s 9N Shady Rest is a classic American restaurant located in Gales Creek, Oregon right alongside Wilson River Highway.

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New Seasons Market

1954 SE Division Street Portland, OR 97202

New Seasons Market is a Whole Foods-esque grocery store (think: the increasingly popular “local, sustainable, organic”/expensive tagline) with nine locations in the Portland metropolitan area.  They have a fairly impressive deli, complete with an online ordering component of their website.  It should be noted, however, that the one time I submitted an online order, my order was “lost” when I went in to pick it up, and had to wait the full amount of time anyway.

They offer traditional deli sandwiches as well as a hot wok, salad bar, a seasonal veggie-burger, and regular burgers. To order, you pick up an ordering pad of the type of food you’d like to order (Sandwich/Wok/Pasta/etc) and fill out the sheet.  You select your choice of bread (Baguette, Ciabatta Roll, French Roll, Hamburger Bun, Hot Dog Bun, Rye, Sourdough, Whole Wheat, or White), cheese (Cheddar, Cream Cheese, Havarti, Provolone, Swiss), vegetables (not listing these), and condiments.

I ordered a burger on a hamburger bun, with cheddar cheese, tomato, lettuce, and pesto-mayonnaise. There are no french fries or similar side items here, but there is a salad bar and bags of chips near the checkout.  After roughly 8 minutes, my order was called out. I paid for it, and then went over to the dining room to eat.

The burger:

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Blueplate

Blueplate is an old-time lunch counter & soda fountain in SW Portland at 3rd and Morrison. It was featured on Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and Guy has even signed the wall near the door. They have a small menu, with a set group of items available every day and two additional daily specials to chose from. They also offer special hand-crafted sodas, milkshakes, ice cream, and other delicious sweets. They are only open for lunch, from 11am-5pm, and seating is very limited.

Since the space is so small, there isn’t even a traditional kitchen.  Instead, there is a small counter where hot items are placed in warmers and cool items are in a tiny refrigerator.  I sat right in front of the potato buns and Texas toast, and across from me was this:

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Concordia Ale House

Concordia Ale House is some sort of bar/pub/awful idea in NE Portland on Killingsworth.  I’m not even sure if they brew their own beer or what. Anyway, they have a large menu with a broad selection of items to please everybody.  There is a dedicated menu section for burgers, with the standard varieties of burger configurations to choose from (Bacon BBQ, Spicy Pepperjack, etc). The menu states “Our burgers are angus beef on kaiser buns. Served with lettuce, tomato and our House Sauce (Mayo, mustard & horseradish) your choice of Kettle Chips or fries.” You could also substitute the fries or chips for a small salad or soup for an additional $2.25, and/or substitute a Garden Burger for $1.00 or a Grilled Chicken Breast for $.50. I went with the following:

Classic Burger – Your basic juicy hamburger served with house sauce and all the fixin’s – .$8.00 Add pepper bacon – $1.25, Double it up – $2.25,   Add cheese – $0.75

I ordered it with the house sauce on the side and the addition of cheddar cheese. I forgot to request my burger to be cooked medium, and I took that as a bad sign from the start.  Excluding fast food places, this burger was served to me in the absolute fastest time possible. Which means it was brought out to me rare or it was pre-cooked and then just reheated. Of course, it was the latter.

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