Dream Burger

Bella’s Fat Cat

2974 N. Oakland Avenue Milwaukee, WI 53211

Bella’s Fat Cat is a classic “burgers and shakes” type of restaurant, also offering frozen custard, served quickly.  As soon as you walk in, you check out the large, unorganized menu, and place your order.   A “jumbo cheeseburger” – which is a singular “jumbo” patty – is $3.49.   If that isn’t enough, you could add another patty to make it a “double jumbo” for about a dollar more. You can add french fries, onion rings, or a mix of the two for an additional $1.89.   After you order, they hand you a number to place on your table, and they’ll bring the food out to you whenever it’s ready.  I ordered the “jumbo cheeseburger” with ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickle with a side of french fries.  It was only after I ordered that I saw that they offered a 50/50 mix of french fries and onion rings for the same price.. son of a bitch.  Anyway, the food was delivered after about 5 minutes – so there wasn’t much of a wait at all.

( Continue reading » )

GET READY, AMERICA

Burger Tour 2009 begins later this week. I’ll be driving across the country, eating as many cheeseburgers as I can from Pittsburgh, PA to Portland, OR.

~~~REVIEWS TO COME~~

Double Wide Grill

Double Wide Grill is a white-trash themed restaurant located in Pittsburgh’s South Side that offers a wide selection of beer and food, with many of  the items being vegan/vegetarian.  Double Wide burgers come with your choice of “burger” - beef, chicken breast, turkey burger, lentil veggie-burger, or portabella, and choice of serving style - kaiser roll or wrap.  The burgers come with a pickle and a choice of one side item – fresh cut french fries, corn bread, cole slaw, vegetable of the day, or fruit cup.  They have a few specialty burgers, but I wanted a regular cheeseburger with french fries.  The menu listing:

DW Cheeseburger With American Cheese:  Lettuce, tomatoes and onions on the side

After a ludicrous wait, my over-cooked burger finally came.  This has been happening a lot recently.. and I have no idea why anyone would ask me how I’d like my burger cooked if they don’t actually intend to cook it that way.  “Medium” isn’t really that easy to fuck up – as long as it’s cooked to temperature (140 -150 degrees) it should be fine.  If you serve burgers on your menu, you should really know how to cook them to order, or don’t bother asking.  Anyway, I had it sent back and received a properly cook burger about 10 minutes later.

(PHOTO COMING SOON actually probably never since I moved out of Pittsburgh.. )

I always have the misconception of thinking burgers here are good, since the ingredients are fresh and they use a wood fire grill, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually enjoyed one.  Actually, I really don’t know why I continue to patronize the Double Wide Grill at all.  The only time I have ever left feeling satisfied was perhaps my first ever visit a couple of years ago.  Literally every single time afterward, I have left pissed off and wondering how it’s still in business.  Service is unbelievably slow, the food is over-priced, and there must be some sort of hiring requirement for servers that ensures they are all assholes of the highest degree.  Actually, I know why they’re still around:  They offer a wide selection of mediocre vegan food, serve beer, and attract swarms of dickbags on  motorcycles.  That’s why.

Quaker Steak &Lube

10 Andrew Drive Pittsburgh, PA 15275

Quaker Steak & Lube is a casual dining restaurant chain that began in Sharon, PA in 1974.  There are currently over 30 restaurants, based primarily on the East Coast.  The original restaurant was located inside an abandoned gas station and had an automotive-themed decor.  All of the restaurants have nearly the same exact decorations and look, though the menu offerings may differ.  Quaker Steak is best known for its wings (“Best Wings USA”) and wing sauces, but their burgers, steaks, and ribs are also delicious.

Their menu dedicates an entire page to their burgers – offering 8 options to choose from.  Each burger comes with a side included:  Lube Chips, fries, Bourbon baked beans, cinnamon apples, fresh steamed broccoli or coleslaw.

We grill the finest 1/2 # USDA ground Steakburger*, lightly seasoned on a garlic toasted sesame seed bun with lettuce, tomato, onion and pickle.

I selected the All-American Steakburger with American/Swiss cheese cooked medium with a side of fries.  We went on a Tuesday, which is All-You-Can-Eat wing night, so service was a lot different than usual.  The food took about 25 minutes to arrive from the time we ordered it, and my burger came out way over-cooked.  I sent it back and had the properly cooked burger arrive within 10 minutes.

-photo-

( Continue reading » )

Applebee’s

5503 Milan Road Sandusky, OH 44870

Applebee’s boasts being the country’s largest casual dining leader with having over 1,600 stores in 49 states.   I’ve only eaten here a few times whenever my parents wanted to go out “someplace nice” and I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a burger.  I have never in my life felt the need to eat at Applebee’s, but I was ravenously hungry after leaving Cedar Point and this was the first place I saw.  Why not, right?

The menu has a bunch of specialty burgers with different shit on them, and this notice is at the top of the page:

We are proud to serve burgers crafted from 100% USDA-inspected ground beef. All burger patties (except the Brewtus Burger and Sliders) are grilled to your choice of pink or no-pink.

I found this interesting.  Instead of telling them how exactly I’d like the burger cooked, I only have the choice of “pink” or “no-pink.”  I ordered the Cowboy Burger with “pink”.   Here’s the actual menu description:

Cowboy Burger

Topped with a crunchy onion ring, honey BBQ sauce, Jack & cheddar cheeses and Applewood smoked bacon on a toasted bun.  Served with lettuce, tomato, and onion.  $8.49

I was really hungry and in the mood for something a little different than just a cheeseburger.  It seemed like a really good idea at the time.  After a short wait, my plate arrived.

( Continue reading » )

Cyphert Family Grilling

This weekend, I had the honor of staying at the Cyphert Family trailer perched atop the ever-magnificent Clarion River.  Boat rides, water-tubing, swimming, and catering were also included.  The burger:

( Continue reading » )

Red Robin

175 E. Waterfront Drive Homestead, PA 15120

Prior to roughly a year ago, Red Robin was considered my go-to guilty pleasure when I wanted a good and greasy cheeseburger and fries.  Until.. “The Incident” happened.

The Incident being the time when I discovered a long, thick, artificial black hair that had droplets of grease attached to it on my plate.  The hair was wrapped around a french fry at the bottom of the pile I had been eating, and I only discovered this hair 3/4ths of the way into my meal.  My body immediately shut down and I had to struggle to hold back vomiting up my intestines until the check arrived and I was out of the building.

-photo-

(Artist Rendering)

( Continue reading » )