Dream Burger

Piper’s Pub

1828 East Carson Street Pittsburgh, PA 15203

Piper’s Pub offers a selection of Irish, Scottish, and British food and drink, using “A Taste of the British Isles” as their slogan.  The beer selection is pretty extensive and supposedly changes weekly, though I would consider the prices a little high.  Moving along, here’s the menu description of the burger:

Create A Burger

With your choice of American, provolone or Swiss on a Kaiser roll with a side of garlic dill mayonnaise… 7.95. Extras: Rashers, Sautéed mushrooms, Sautéed onions, Irish cheddar or Stilton cheese .50 each

The burgers/sandwiches also come with your choice of either french fries.. err, chips, or cole slaw.  I ordered a burger with Irish cheddar cooked Medium with french fries.  Unfortunately for me, I went here with a group of 6 which means gratuity is automatically included, and thus service was pretty shitty.  Our server had a really weird attitude when we tried to order stuff, which I’m pretty sure is standard in a restaurant setting, so that automatically took my burger experience down a few notches. Anyway, service was ridiculously slow, and the worst of this was when my burger was brought out cooked WELL-DONE.  There wasn’t so much of a hint of pink in my burger, and all remnants of juice were cooked out of the patty.  Nothing can ruin a burger more than by being overcooked.

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Wild Abandon

2411 SE Belmont Street Portland, OR 97214

The outside of Wild Abandon is really weird, and you’d probably never guess it was a restaurant if it weren’t from the sandwich board sitting in front of the door.  The indoor decor is supposed to be cozy/romantic (also referred to as “The Red Velvet Lounge”) but comes off as kind of cheesy due to the knickknacks and shit on the walls.  It’s not that all that bad, but the outdoor seating is absolutely awesome.   There’s a huge tree in the middle of the patio that provides a nice mix of shade and sunlight.  Anyway, the menu description of the burger:

Wild Abandon Burger

Half-Pound Strawberry Mountain Farm free-range organic ground beef served medium rare on a Grand Central brioche bun with bacon, white cheddar, caramelized onions, and a lemon-garlic aioli.

Served with roasted red potatoes $ 12

The last time I was here I had the roasted red potatoes, which were very good.  This time I substituted them for a side salad.  The wait was rather long, but I didn’t mind because it was so pleasant to be outdoors on a gorgeous day in Portland.  After a while, my plate finally arrived.

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Paradox Cafe

3439 SE Belmont Street Portland, OR 97214

The Paradox Cafe is an organic restaurant offering “great food prepared fresh for your mind & body.”  I was initially going to order breakfast, but seeing as it was nearly 1pm, I decided I might as well try out the burger.  Plus, the menu description seemed pretty appealing;

100% Oregon Country Beef – All of our burgers are served on a dairy-free wheat bun with lettuce, tomatoes, pickle chips and vegan mayo.  You can add to any of our burgers….fresh fries for $2 OR a small green salad OR cup of soup for $3!

Basic Burger – $ 5.55 – Add anything you want for a small charge!

Seems like it would be good, right?  After a relatively long wait, the server set the following plate in front of me:

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Stanich’s

4915 NE Fremont Street Portland, OR 97213

Walking in the front door of Stanich’s is like walking into a time warp.  The entire place is filled with vintage sports pennants, college and professional, covering every wood-paneled wall.  That’s fine by me, but Pittsburgh was only represented with a single pennant… come on!  Nevertheless, it was cool to see pennants for teams that don’t exist anymore such as the Houston Oilers, Baltimore Colts, Los Angeles Rams, etc.   The place seems like nothing has been renovated or changed since it was first opened.  This means, of course, they do not accept credit cards, so make sure you bring cash with you if you plan on eating here.

The menu at Stanich’s is simple.  So simple we initially thought it was just a menu showcasing their daily/weekly specials.  I think someone actually said “…that’s it?” after looking at it.

I didn’t order the self-proclaimed World’s Greatest because I am just not generally into the “tons of shit thrown on a bun” type burgers.  I like standard, traditional cheeseburgers.  So that’s what I went with.  We also ordered a basket of french fries to share, as our waitress advised, and a pitcher of PBR. Here’s an action shot of the behind-the-counter scene:

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Kaya

2000 Smallman Street Pittsburgh, PA 15222

After hearing lots of good things about Kaya, I finally made it a point to try it out.  They offer Caribbean-influenced cuisine and are located in Pittsburgh’s Strip District.  Cutting directly to the chase, here’s the menu description of their burger:

Kaya Angus Burger: pickles, avocado, bacon, tomato, Manchego cheese, local sunny side up egg, secret Kaya sauce, Kaya chips – $12

At first, I didn’t know how I felt about having a sunny side up egg on a burger.  I don’t even like sunny side up eggs to begin with, so I was hesitant to order the burger as-is, but I did anyway.  I’m glad I did, because it’s fucking good.

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McCormick and Schmick’s

2667 Sidney Street Pittsburgh, PA 15203

Let me first preface this review by stating the following:   I am one for deals.  I love value, especially in these trying economic times.  So when I found out about McCormick and Schmick’s happy hour menu, I planned on checking it out as soon as possible.  The menu listing:

$2.95 – Classic Cheeseburger with fries

$2.95 for a cheeseburger and fries?  Fuck yeah.   The only downside to this operation is that the happy hour menu applies only in the bar area.  We came in at about 6pm, and seating was non-existent with the type of people you’d expect to see at a McCormick and Schmick’s standing around waiting for people to leave in an aggressive predatory-like fashion.  All in all it was hellish to try to find somewhere to sit amidst a sea of jackasses that annoy you just by looking at them.  After a solid half-hour of this, seats finally opened up at the bar, and we were promptly served.  There is a $5 drink minimum to order from the happy hour menu, which I didn’t expect to be a problem initially.  I ordered 2 shitty beers figuring them to be $2.50/$3 a piece.   I was pretty surprised when I got the bill and realized fucking Coors Light was $4.50.  What a joke.  Anyway, here’s the burger.

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Five Guys

117 S. Bouquet Street Pittsburgh, PA 15213

The menu consists of hamburgers, hot dogs, and fries.  For hamburgers, you can select either a Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Bacon Burger, or Bacon Cheeseburger.  You can also select any of the aforementioned burgers in “little” size – which is one beef patty instead of two.   After that tough decision, you then have the task of selecting toppings from this list:  mayo, onions, pickles, relish, lettuce, tomato, fried onions, sauteed mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, jalapenos, green peppers, A-1, barbecue sauce, and hot sauce.

After you order, you take note of the number on your receipt, grab some free peanuts (awesome!) and try to find a clean table to sit at.  Though the quality and value found at Five Guys is high, the cleanliness factor is definitely lacking.  After a very short wait, my number was called out and my brown paper bag of food was ready for pick-up.

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